How to Publish a Book(Without Losing Your Mind, Money, or Soul)
A Fictionalized Self-Publishing Guide with a Narrator Who’s Losing It
“How to Publish a Book (Without Losing Your Mind, Money, or Soul)” is a hilarious, brutally honest, and painfully relatable novel about the chaotic journey of self-publishing.
Follow Maureen Mullins, an aspiring indie author, as she stumbles through writing disasters, scammy “publishing experts,” a soul-crushing book launch, and the existential crisis that comes with selling a grand total of 14 copies.
With humor, heart, and just enough despair to keep it real, this book is a must-read for writers, book lovers, and anyone who has ever questioned all their life choices.
CHAPTER 8:
THE LONG GAME
(Or, Why Being an Author Is Basically Just Accepting Chaos Forever.)
Day 120: The Unpredictable Sales Rollercoaster
Maureen had finally accepted a harsh, soul-crushing truth:
Book sales made no sense.
One day, she’d sell ten copies out of nowhere and think, I’M A GENIUS! THE ALGORITHM LOVES ME!
The next day? Zero.
The next week? One copy.
The next day? Twelve copies for no reason.
She checked every possible explanation.
Had someone mentioned her book on social media?
Did she accidentally run a Facebook ad in her sleep?
Did the universe just decide to mess with her?
The answer?
No clue.
The realization?
Publishing is chaos, and no one actually knows how anything works.
Day 125: The First Mean Review
Maureen had been riding a high for the past few weeks.
She had new readers.
She had consistent (if small) sales.
She had hope.
Then she made a terrible mistake.
She checked her book’s Amazon reviews.
And there it was.
A one-star review.
🔹 “This book was fine, I guess. But the main character drinks too much coffee. Also, I figured out the twist. Meh.”
Meh.
MEH.
Maureen clutched her chest like she’d been personally stabbed.
She texted Becca immediately.
Maureen: “Someone said my book was MEH.”
Becca: “Maureen. It’s one review.”
Maureen: “MEH, BECCA. THEY SAID MEH.”
Becca: “Did you expect EVERY reader to love it?”
Maureen: “YES.”
She flopped onto her couch, dramatically whispering, “Meh,” to herself.
She knew she was being ridiculous.
She knew that not everyone would love her book.
She knew that even bestselling authors got bad reviews.
But knowing and feeling were two different things.
Still, after a full night of rage-eating snacks and swearing vengeance, she got over it.
Mostly.
Day 135: The Growing Fanbase (Slowly, But Surely)
One morning, Maureen woke up to a Twitter notification.
Someone had tagged her in a post.
ReaderX92: “Just finished @MaureenMullins’ Midnight Secrets and WOW. That twist?? Incredible. Everyone needs to read this!!”
Maureen froze.
A reader had recommended her book.
Without her begging.
She sat in stunned silence.
And then she did what any reasonable author would do.
She screamed into a pillow.
Day 140: The Writing Struggle (Because of Course)
With Midnight Secrets out in the world, it was time to write the next book.
Which should have been easy.
She had written a book before.
She had survived the publishing process.
She was an experienced author now.
So why did every word feel like it had to be dragged out of her soul?
Why did she suddenly doubt everything?
Was she a one-book wonder?
Would people hate the sequel?
Would she spend the next five years struggling with impostor syndrome?
Probably.
But she kept writing anyway.
Because she had learned something valuable:
The only way to be an author… was to keep writing.
Even when it was hard.
Even when it was terrifying.
Even when she wanted to throw her laptop into the sun.
She wasn’t giving up.
Not now.
Not ever.
👀 Maureen’s journey is almost complete.
📖 She’s built an audience, found her rhythm, and even got invited to speak at an author panel.
🚀 But what’s the REAL truth about publishing?
👉 Find out in Chapter 9: The Truth About Publishing!